i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
