only if we run a train.
done.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
