listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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