Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
