I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
