if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize