Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
