Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
