just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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