i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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