Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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