So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
