No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
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