Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
