38 yer olds are good kisserssss
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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