I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
