My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dicks are not precious.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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