i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
