Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
