Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
