my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
