my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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