I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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