Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
