yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
