If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
