She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
