They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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