those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
