mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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