I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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