porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
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I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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