The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
