I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
