His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I did not marry a roomba.
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