Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
