I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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