i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
