You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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