hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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