I'm really into asian looking animals
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
