Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
