I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
