he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
