Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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