Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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