yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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