what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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