I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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