bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
even my farts smell like vagina
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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