Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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