she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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