If that was your dad, he is hot
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
