Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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