one word: firstdatebathroomanal
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
