Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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