You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
organizing the empties. That sober.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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