you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
