ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
