I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
