either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
