DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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