It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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