last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
we're so committed to being not committed
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize