I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
