Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
