At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
do herpes really smell.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
