I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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