I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
