i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
