I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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