I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
