you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
