Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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