i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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