I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
youre lurking in front of me
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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