Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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