saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
