when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
